Parenting A Special Needs Child

Do you ever feel you walk alone, handcuffed to an insolvable problem?

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and hopeless before the challenge of nurturing our wonderful child.

She needs me SO much SO often. Sometimes an awful sensation of stuckness grips me—that I will be forever stuck in this treadmill of solving basic problems that will never  improve, never get better. EVER.

(And of course there are lovely moments as well, but that is not the topic of this blogpost.)

We are fortunate in our world that some people are filled with unlimited positive energy to uplift us and guide us. Such a person is Professor Reuven Feuerstein (pictured above), a cognitive psychologist (that means he studies how we learn and think) who has devoted his life to finding ways to work miracles on unpromising conditions most scientists gave up on ever improving: attachment disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, autism, down syndrome, brain damage, etc.

He has researched and scientifically proven that our brains can constantly develop—even after being born deficient or after suffering damage. WE ARE NOT AS STUCK AS YOU MIGHT THINK. Our children can develop beyond what we see at the moment.

Below is a concise transcript of the video that follows, in which Professor Feuerstein urges us all: Believe you can overcome! If you do—you will create amazing results!

In practical terms for us, parents of special needs children the message is this: Believe that you can constantly improve your child’s functioning—and you will discover ways to improve it. AND IT WILL IMPROVE.

My daughter was lucky to have a teacher who studied with Professor Feuerstein in Israel. I can attest to the positive effect it had on her learning abilities.

Here is the transcript and the video:

“Belief is generated by a need.

You, the parent, have the need:  if you need to help your child you begin to believe you can change their disability. And if you believe—you begin to achieve.

Human beings are modifiable. Not only their behavior can be modified, but also their neurosystem—marvelously, miraculously!  Actually, the behavior which we IMPOSE upon our brain really SHAPES the hardware of the brain.

Neuroscience today support this view: we can help a person’s brain no matter what their genetic condition or age.  Even severely limited children can be significantly modified. More than we previously believed.

In the past we didn’t believe we could do it—so we didn’t!  But once we believed we could do it and we tried—we achieved very meaningful results.”

You can visit Professor Feuerstein’s website here.

Do you realize how much your special needs child can benefit from participating in dance or movement groups?

As a movement therapist,  I am totally in favor of a Mind-Body approach which advocates activating the body in order to more readily access  and focus the mind.

Have a look at this  Brain Dance Video that I discovered on this wonderful site http://www.sensorystreet.com/ It is the brainy invention of Anne Green Gilbert of the Creative Dance Company in Washington.

She shows how a fully functioning body can create a fully functioning brain and claims that this kind of dance can actually rewire the brain for the better .

Her dance moves contain 8 steps that mirror the behavior of babies during their first year of development.

• 1. Breathing
• 2. Tactile Stimulation
• 3 . Core Distal Patterns of reaching out and contracting
• 4.  Head Tail movements for alignment
• 5.  Upper and Lower body Movements for Emotional Grounding
• 6.  Body Side Movements for Balance
• 7.  Cross- Lateral Reach for Robust Thinking
• 8.  Spinning to work the vestibular system

Anne claims that these movements promote cerebral health and is a strong advocate of dancing one’s heart out for the sake of one’s mind.

Let’s hear your reactions to this incredible video.

To learn more about a Mind-Body Movement program that can help your special needs child, click here

Does your child suffer from sensory integration disorder?

When you parent your special needs child, are you sufficiently sensitive to the bombardment of noise you may be subjecting him to every day? We adults may be able to zone noise out, but have you noticed how even a simple trip to the supermarket can be a sensory violation with all the different TV screens blasting their ads?

A recent trip to the YMCA pool turned into a rhythmically pounding nightmare because of the loud music from open day, rather than the welcoming calm that we expected. Other families seemed to adjust to the noise and shouted  conversation over it, but maybe they would experience meltdowns from their children later on in the day as a result.

What can a parent do?

• Be watchful for warning signs of distress before hand so that you can prevent a tantrum
• Mindfully turn off TV, loud music, video games distractions
• Find your quiet havens:bedroom, park, backyard, hammock,tree house, thick blanket
• Learn calming foot or back massage techniques for instant release for your child.

Listen to our experience on this clip and tell me where your secret safety havens are…….

Listen to a father’s perspective about raising a special needs child by Nitsan.

Here is a Mind- Body approach to parenting that can make your child less impulsive:

Help your child make a choice in a physical way within their own body. When your child has  a decision to make, let them imagine themselves as if they are approaching an intersection of a road where there is a clear choice of left turn and a right turn. You the parent can act out with your body using your arms how the right side is the good side that is wise,appropriate and a suitable choice whereas the left side is a bad choice with unfavorable consequences. Have your child also raise his arms and act out the different sensations of the right side versus the left side. Help your child to stop and think before each decision looking at each side for a moment,weighing up what each arm  represents.

We try to make this method concrete with our daughter’s name DEENA. When she has made a good choice, we call her by her normal  name Deena. It is symbolic of her good behavior and a sign that she is choosing to go with her correct instinct (right arm). When her behavior is bad and she has a sudden loud meltdown, we reverse her name and call her A NEED, symbolizing that she made a bad choice and went with the wrong choice (left arm). We want her to comprehend that her decisions can be thought through in a physical way and felt within her own body  to assist her in making the correct choice.

Listen to this clip that  clearly explains how to use this technique together with your child.

Do you want to keep your special needs child SAFE?

At the last Parent/Teacher Conference, I was given a great tip by one of the therapists. This tip is especially helpful for children with Special Needs who need some help in identifying potentially dangerous or  unpleasant situations.

I had mentioned that Deena often chooses to mix with children who are not kind to her. Even though they reject her in a mean way, she seems not to notice enough and keeps on coming back for more without realizing that they are unsuitable friends for her. I talk to her often about noticing who is being kind and who is being mean and remembering to stick with the good group, but she always forgets.

The therapist suggested that Deena notice her body sensation when she is with the mean kids. Notice when she is emotionally hurt and see where she hurts in her body at that moment. If she can identify an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach or in her throat again and again, she can begin to recognize when she is getting herself into a bad situation……and then she can remember to do something about it.

Listen to this clip and see if this is helpful for your child.Can you tell me what tips you have given your special needs child?We can share our ideas and help to keep everyone safe.

If you like the video below you can see a video of my Number One Calming Technique right here

Do you want to prevent the next meltdown of your special needs child? Listen to this video.

Does your child “ACT OUT” fears with bad behavior and out of control mood swings?  If you, the parent catch the situation in time, and talk about it,then sometimes it’s possible to prevent this from turning into a massive storm.

I thought there must be a reason why Deena was acting so strangely and finally she managed to express what was bothering her. We had the greatest conversation talking about being nervous and worrying, which helped her to open up about what was upsetting her.

This clip is worth listening to! Please leave a comment and let me know if you have experienced something similar?

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Technique I use most with my child—click here.

Are you helping your special needs child SUCCEED or FAIL?

My job as a parent of a special needs child is to offer support in all the right places and help her  be the best she can be. So when we went to our first swim meet of the swim team of the YMCA, I was there in the background making sure everything was running smoothly.

And lucky I was there because it wasn’t!  Some regular kids were having meltdowns from the pressure; others were wandering around unclear which lane they were supposed to be in and when. So I wanted to make sure that Deena was calm and was set up for the best possible experience.

When the teacher gave her the card with her instructions that said she was doing front crawl in lane 3 in the next competition, she didn’t notice that Deena was wearing her swim goggles and not her glasses and couldn’t read a thing! She actually wouldn’t have been able to understand that card with all its complicated details even if she had had her glasses! I read it for her and for all the other kids that were confused or lost and made sure that she got to the correct place to swim at the correct time.

For a child with sensory integrations issues, there are so many factors that can get you out of balance which swim teachers may not be aware of. There is the loud noise of the constant cheering of the parents, the bright overhead lights, the squashing of the kids together during the waiting time on the deck, no access to drinking water while waiting for your competition, the honk of the horns at the start of each race: any of these experiences could make a child agitated and raw. You just have to watch the body movements of your child to gauge what their emotional state is.

When Deena came in 2^nd in the crawl race, I was there cheering, but in a way that I knew she could tolerate and I tried not to add to the general mayhem! When she came in almost last in the backstroke, I was cheering her along as well so she could get a sense of “you win some and you lose some” and help her keep her sense of perspective.

Listen to this video clip and tell me the ways you support your child.

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Technique I use most with my child—click here.

“I wish I could belong to that group, but I’m not good enough”.How many times have you heard your special needs child say that?

As a Parent to a child with special needs, I am always sensitive about her desire to fit in and belong to something that her peers are doing. However, the math group is too hard, the book club is out of the question and the soccer team always seems to knock her glasses off! Often children with learning disabilities or behavioral challenges will find themselves isolated and left out of a group which can be so lonely. It breaks my heart when she is excluded!

So I was in a constant search to help Deena find the perfect group that would help her fit in and be comfortable. Luckily she has great swimming skills which we have nurtured from a young age in order to direct her energy in a positive direction, so her natural group became the Swim team of the local YMCA.

What an amazing experience for a girl who is normally the last one to understand what is going on in class where everyone else is quicker than her. Here she can shine and enjoy a group experience of demanding swimming with a strict teacher who is serious about that particular skill that my child can do. There is little chance to chat during the swim practice itself as the kids are swimming non-stop in every style and barely have a chance to catch their breath. But that also means there is little chance for Deena to get distracted or wander off topic in conversation which might annoy other kids. Here she can have fun with them before and after and enjoy being part of a group.

When you are part of a group, you suddenly have a community. You fit in. You are part of a common effort and not watching from the side. It’s all about the team supporting each other and not about your individual problems.

I recommend you help your child find his community soon.

Leave a comment below to let me know if you have found a group that makes your special needs child feel welcome. Maybe you can give us some new ideas? Waiting to hear from you……

If you like the video below you can see another video of my Number One Calming Technique right here.

Do you want to know how to raise the confidence level of your special needs child? Read on…..

Does your child have sensory integration issues and come home from school with incessant chatter about feeling humiliated in class? Does your child suffer with ADHD or fetal alcohol syndrome , suffer in school with difficulty in following through on instructions and come home hyperactive yet dejected?

Then help your child by:

• Seeking out a skill that empowers him and fills him with pride
• Find an encouraging teacher who can nurture that skill in teamwork with you

But my child doesn’t have any skills you might say! Untrue. Look closely and you will find. Can your child help others feel good about themselves? Is your child particularly sensitive around animals? Does your child spice his food in an interesting way that might lead to cooking skills?

We didn’t have to look too far to discover a skill in our daughter. Even though she has special needs, Deena learned to swim early and I noticed that most of her bath times as a baby were  spent under the water like a hippo. It is only in the water that she is her true self, confident and gliding like a true dolphin. So we encouraged this skill with early lessons which led to Deena being good enough to join the local swim team and even excel there.

Then I searched diligently for a fabulous teacher who could be strong yet encouraging,warm yet insistent on maintaining a high standard.  Special needs children need the support of a teacher who will be touchy-feely yet firm at the same time and bring out their natural talent.Now we work as a team and Deena is proud of her skill.

Have a look at this clip and let me know what skill your child is proud of.

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Calming Technique I use most with my child—click here.

Are you a parent of a special needs child?

Watch  this clip to see parenting -in-action. When your special needs child is in a panic before a performance, do you prepare them so they can do their best? Or do you shush them and tell them not to make a fuss?

Deena is so nervous on the way to her performing at her dog show that she can barely get out a smile at all; in fact it looks like she might pass out in the car. The pressure of having to remember details learned is so hard for a child with a memory problem.

She is in a summer camp, training Bodie (a dog given to her by the camp) and is so stressed out about messing up that she can hardly breathe. Even the cheese stick in her hand, which is the emergency treat for the dog during the competition, seems to be irritating her.

This is my last chance to try to get her to see the funny side of the situation and relax a little.

As you watch the clip, you’ll see how Deena goes from being a nervous wreck to ending up being the more light-hearted comic that she normally is.

Check it out and tell me if you have any suggestions on how to deal with the situation differently. Please leave a comment with your ideas…I’d love to hear from you.

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Calming Technique I use most with my child—click here.