Parenting A Special Needs Child

In her article “Screaming Kids and Airplanes: Mayday!Mayday” which appeared in the LA Times, Amy Alkon rants and raves against parents who can’t discipline their own children, thus disturbing everyone around:

A little late in making those Thanksgiving flight plans? Wondering how you could possibly afford your ticket — that is, without putting a kidney up for sale on Craigslist? Good news! You can get a free flight home on Southwest plus a $300 travel voucher. Just do what I plan to — get on a Southwest flight in the next few days, and when it’s taking off, shout over and over, “Go, plane, go!” and “I want Daddy! I want Daddy!”

The problem is, how many parents really have the skills to prevent major meltdowns from occurring? All to often, exhausted parents are reduced to warnings and threats to shush up their children. That is pretty ineffective and can sometimes make kids scream even louder.

How about practicing everything in advance in the form of a stage-rehearsal? How about really role- playing scene for scene what is going to happen on the day of the flight so that everyone is acquainted with all the different stages of the journey in advance?

When one has children with special needs who are particularly sensitive to changes, noise, long hours of unpredictable travel, there has to be a well organized method of preparing the child beforehand, so that you all work as a team. Then, you can remind the child who is about to scream as you board the plane,”Do you remember when we practiced this at home? Do you remember how we talked about  doing some deep breathing when you feel like this? Then the child will be able to feel more in control.

Have you ever been in a public situation when your child was out of control? How did you deal with it? Let’s hear about your experience.

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Calming Technique I use most with my child—click here.

How often do you think, “Oh no! Not another Mess up!”

Does your special needs child  get into frequent disagreements and start a fight? Don’t you wish you had a frequent flyer ticket to get out of there!  How often can a fight escalate into kids not talking to each other for a while? It can happen all the time even with regular children, so it doesn’t take much to notice that kids with poor communication skills can get into daily upsets where they misunderstand things and are misunderstood themselves.     How draining that can be on a daily basis.

My child will often describe what she emotionally feels and imagines, but not necessarily what is going on in reality. That’s when the arguing begins, as her friends try to explain their side of the story and she can’t quite get it.

That’s where aware parents enter the scene. We know our kids best. We can help  explain things to smooth over the upset with friends, and clarify to the parent’s of the other children when things get really entangled.

With a parent as  “helpful communicator”, problems can be solved in half the time.
Look at this video clip and tell me if you agree with this important role of a parent. Is that our job or should the kids sort it out themselves?

If you like the videos below you can see a different video of my Number One Calming Technique right here.

Do you have to repeat things again and again?

Do you have a trick to remain eternally patient with your special needs child?

I thought the bubble saga was all over, but when I picked up Deena from Camp the next day, she burst into tears over a misunderstanding with the camp nurse.

So this clip is about helping kids to communicate; especially special needs kids who might pick up partial information and get confused. This happens almost every day with us and a lot of my time is spent explaining all the “he said…she said” details to Deena who usually understands events in a totally opposite way to what actually transpired.

This was my attempt to have a “Happy End” to the bubble drama and help Deena explain things fully so that everyone is clearly in the picture.

Leave a comment. Do you think I handled the situation well? Do you have any suggestions?

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Calming Technique I use most with my child—click here.

Have you ever been to hospital with your special needs child? Did you let them take charge so that they could get back a sense of control?

This is Deena’s wound. She has an impressive bubble blister on her hand from a glue gun! so I let her start explaining the situation when the doctor walks in.
He is busy speaking medical jargon which is right over Deena’s head and surprisingly inconsiderate of a child’s feelings. So I let her ask as many questions as she needs while I support her in the background.
See how brave she is in the clip as she is more involved in talking about reptiles than watching the dissecting of her own hand. I guess these distraction techniques really work!

What do you think of the way I handled the situation? Please leave a comment if you have another suggestion.

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Calming Technique I use most with my child—click here.

How can  a parent avoid a meltdown in hospital with a special needs child? Do you know how to stop your child with ADHD from bouncing around inappropriately?

Humor, humor and more humor is the way to go with kids. Especially with kids with special needs like Deena who will explode at any moment while waiting for the doctor to come and pop the infamous bubble blister that she has on her hand.

Time can go really slowly and you are pretty much alone in the long wait. What’s a parent to do in this situation? Talk to your child about the predicament. “Hey Sweetie, we are here for a long while. Let’s hear some ideas to keep us both in a good mood”. Involve your child in the process. Look around together if there is anyone else worse off that we can help? Don’t wait for the meltdown: keep introducing new ideas.

Luckily, the hospital had a supply of books available when I specially requested them for Deena, so be pro-active and don’t just count the minutes with a complaining child. Look for fun solutions.

I am constantly looking for ways to get her to be involved and give her a sense of control. Check out this clip and leave a comment about if you think I did a good job.

Do you have any suggestions? I’d love to hear.

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Technique I use most with my child—click here.

Have you ever been stuck in a trapped situation like hospital waiting rooms and tried to make it an opportunity?

The whole point of this clip is to show how a little humor can go a long way with a child who has special needs. Even though Deena is distracted and nervous, I let her make jokes to calm herself down while we continue on our long wait.

Every time she talks, I first let her ramble nervously through all her associations and then I help her organize her thoughts into a coherent order  worth listening to.
I am trying to prepare her in advance for the moment when the bubble blister will be pricked by the doctor, so I distract her and keep her thoughts occupied so no premature  meltdown comes her way. Actually helping a few other people who were in emergency all alone as the best experience for her, so that Deena got the idea that a burnt hand is a far lesser deal than a broken collar bone or heart attack.
Come and watch her in the hospital room and see her good mood.

Please leave a comment. What’s your hospital experience with your child? Was it positive or a nightmare?

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Technique I use most with my child—click here.

Have you ever taken your special needs child to hospital? How did it go?

These next few clips are about how Deena burnt her hand with a glue gun at camp.
The wound instantly became a large bubble-blister which was really impressive, but it didn’t deflate for 5 days. Finally our doctor said we would have to go to Emergency in hospital and have it lanced as it was getting complicated.

I try to show how I deal with Deena during this experience and try to make it as positive and light-hearted as possible so as to leave minimum trauma for something that could be potentially frightening. My special needs daughter is a drama queen always looking for new material to get upset about, so I tried to make this a learning experience that she could gain from.

In this clip, I try to help her communication skills so that she can speak for herself.
Of course it comes out all garbled so I am always there in the background guiding her language and idea-presentation. Normally a doctor won’t have the patience to listen to a child and will rush forward just involving the parent, but I want Deena to speak her mind…so I am there to help her organize her thoughts.

I also let her share her fear without telling her not to be ridiculous, so that once that emotion is shared, it helps to reduce the tension.

See how we begin our” bubble” journey and let me know if you would have handled the situation differently.

Please leave a comment with your suggestions.

If you like the video below you can see a video of my Number One Technique right here.

As a parent of a child with special needs, can you empathize with this situation?

Now is the moment of a meltdown by a parent. I am so upset! You can’t imagine how much. and why!?

After all the drama and the agony leading up to the dog show, what finally happened on the big day? Deena won FIRST PRIZE IN THE COMPETITION!

So, what’s the problem? The answer is that I wasn’t there at the time and missed the whole big event.

As a parent of a special needs child, I go through so much upset and tension handling her issues every single day. Surely you can imagine the  meltdowns, confusions and frustrations we deal with absolutely all the time, so when something wonderful happens, I want to be there to enjoy it. I deserve it! Also having the opportunity to see the joy of achievement on her face is a blessed sight-that is something for a parent to cherish as it doesn’t happen too often.

So check out this clip and see how the whole situation unfolded into this crazy mess .

Leave a comment please to tell me if you would have had a different reaction to mine.

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Calming Technique I use most with my child—click here.

Are you a parent of a special needs child?

Watch  this clip to see parenting -in-action. When your special needs child is in a panic before a performance, do you prepare them so they can do their best? Or do you shush them and tell them not to make a fuss?

Deena is so nervous on the way to her performing at her dog show that she can barely get out a smile at all; in fact it looks like she might pass out in the car. The pressure of having to remember details learned is so hard for a child with a memory problem.

She is in a summer camp, training Bodie (a dog given to her by the camp) and is so stressed out about messing up that she can hardly breathe. Even the cheese stick in her hand, which is the emergency treat for the dog during the competition, seems to be irritating her.

This is my last chance to try to get her to see the funny side of the situation and relax a little.

As you watch the clip, you’ll see how Deena goes from being a nervous wreck to ending up being the more light-hearted comic that she normally is.

Check it out and tell me if you have any suggestions on how to deal with the situation differently. Please leave a comment with your ideas…I’d love to hear from you.

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Calming Technique I use most with my child—click here.

Read on if you want to gain something as a parent to a special needs child.

Is there a plus side to being a parent of a special needs child? Is it all about helping someone else with limitations or is there some other personal benefit?

I often experience my parenting as part of a bigger picture of a total healing process.

When I see any of my children hurting and especially my special needs child with her unique challenges, I get an instant physical reminder in some part of my body, of similar upsets and confusions that I experienced as a child. Sometimes I was comforted by somebody kind and got over the upset quickly, but often I remember being misunderstood and silenced and the pain of those experiences is amazingly strongly-felt and still remains with me.

So this time around, I get a chance to stop “time” in place and fix a situation.

When my child is overwhelmed and so unhappy that she can’t function, if I just listen…and hold her….and get her to share, maybe I can really smooth over things and avoid a long- term trauma. Maybe if I am her safe space where she can open up and feel not-judged, I can help her to heal as well as myself.

Watch this clip and leave a comment as to how this affected you.

And if you want to see me demonstrate on video the Number One Technique I use most with my child—click here.